I logged on to a dating site the other day and was greeted by a large,
flashing message. It promised that if I took the time to answer a series
of questions that they would find a "perfect match" for me. Imagine that?
All the work and worry of being single - gone! We truly have evolved! Not
only can computer programs manage the entire traffic system of a city and
make chess grandmasters cry, but now they can lead my perfect match right
to my doorstep. I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes
assembled.
The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a "computer
personality test" of some sort. Websites claim that these tests, usually
developed by a "top psychologist", have the ability to understand you and
your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in love?
Problems communicating? Don't worry, the Online Dating Hal 5000 can
figure you out! In fact, when you're done, this computer program will
know your needs and desires better than you do.
People have impulsive behavior that simply can’t be measured when they’re
sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests. Often our
answers reflect our perfect (or hopeful) idea of ourselves. Even if we
are trying our best to be honest, our impulsive behavior in real-life
situations can be far different than we’d expect.
Another wildcard is attraction. We can meet someone who’s empirically
good-looking, has a similar background, is kind and successful – and yet
we’re not attracted. Often we can’t explain why we like another person.
It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile – even how they smell!
Sometimes little things that are immeasurable on their own can
collectively make us attracted.
Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complex, and a
computer program can’t solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As Jung
put it, “the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two
chemical substances; if there is a reaction both are transformed”. It
sounds good, but even Jung was hedging his bet when it comes to love.
What will cause two individuals to react to each other? Even the
developers of the study of personality would not presume that a series of
questions could predict romance.
If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you are missing the entire
beauty of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers
you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new people. It gives
you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a quality
dating site that isn’t trying to sell you fantasy of finding your match
for you will mean you will have a pool of millions of singles to meet.
Treat matchmaking options as just another fun way to explore. It can
serve as an ice breaker to start a conversation, but don’t expect them to
be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options open and
explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what
works for you. You need to develop skills to communicate and meet people.
Developing both online and offline dating skills is the best way to find
the right relationship.
Next time you’re brushing your teeth, take a look in the mirror. See that
amazing person? That’s your matchmaker with a mouthful of toothpaste.
Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy dating and enjoy the
process of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are
essential to finding the right person for you.
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